


every family has its dysfunctions

by AkiSutaHatter



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Gen, Humour, It's basically just a sitcom with DnD characters, no magic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:54:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21606364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkiSutaHatter/pseuds/AkiSutaHatter
Summary: A nuclear family is defined as 'two parents and their dependent children'.In this case, a family is an eldery florist, his two adopted teenage daughters, their aggressive Scandinavian neighbour, and the awkward occultist that lives across the street.They make it work.~A Modern Day!AU based on my current DnD party's characters, mostly for their amusement.
Kudos: 1





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome!! This is basically a series of episodic one-shots about the characters in my current DnD party in a Modern!AU, mostly written for the amusement of my fellow players. For anyone who is interested, the canon characters are as follows:
> 
> \- Ti'sun, a Tortle Circle of the Spore druid  
> \- Freydis Stormhawk, an Aasimar paladin  
> \- Gracidea, an Elf warlock  
> \- Sylva Espinosa, a human gunslinger  
> \- Lynlea, a water genasi Circle of the Moon druid
> 
> I hope y'all enjoy what is essentially an opportunity to practice my writing and (hopefully) improve a bit.
> 
> Enjoy!~

Sunlight streaming on to the windowsill, the quiet whistling of the kettle on the stove top, the smell of pancakes cooking, the soft background hum of some pop song playing on the radio. The house was quiet, a gentle breeze blowing through the open window and making the curtains flutter. A perfect peaceful morning, in Ti’sun’s opinion. 

Of course, it couldn’t last.

“ _ LYNLEA! _ ” A yell echoed through the upper floor of the house, followed by two loud bangs, a high pitched scream, and the sound of footsteps thundering down the stairs. Lynlea came hurtling around the corner, Sylva in hot pursuit.

“You were gonna sleep through breakfast!” Lynlea squeaked, ducking behind Ti’sun as he turned towards the two girls. 

“You pushed me off the fucking bed!” Sylva yelled.

“Language.” Ti’sun muttered, and Sylva pouted.

“It was an accident, really!” Lynlea protested, and Sylva rolled her eyes.

“Whatever. I guess I wanted pancakes, so it’s fine.” She flopped down into a chair at the kitchen table, murmuring to herself in Spanish. Lynlea looked appropriately shamed, pouting slightly. Sylva sighed, affectionately poking her adopted sister in the side to make her giggle. Ti’sun couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across his face, so he didn’t bother. The two couldn’t have been more different, all things considered. Lynlea, with her bubbly personality and easy affection in her colourful sundresses and bright blue hair, and Sylva, all condescending looks, sarcastic comments, and obscure band t-shirts. Between the two of them and their elderly adopted father, they made for a strange family.

But when Sylva was feeling alone, she sought out Lynlea’s comforting presence, and when Lynlea was being terrorised at school Sylva had punched the guy so hard in the mouth that he’d had to have three teeth replaced. They both trusted Ti’sun wholeheartedly, even if Sylva’s teenage angst sometimes meant she didn’t show it.

The doorbell rang loudly and Lynlea shot to her feet. “I’ll get it!” She dashed out of the kitchen, and Ti’sun called after her, mildly concerned.

“Don’t run in the house, Lynlea!”

Sylva pulled herself out of her chair, tugging her flannel shirt around her chest as she peered around Ti’sun’s side towards the stove. “The pancakes are burning.”

Ti’sun gave her a pointed look, then flipped the one that was already in the pan. “Thank you, Ti’sun, it’s so kind of you to make us pancakes on your day off. You’re the best dad ever.”

Sylva rolled her eyes once again, but began quietly making tea for the three of them. Ti’sun smiled at her and finished plating up the pancakes. Sylva looked at him quizzically. “Why four plates?”

A loud voice sounded in the corridor.

“Oh. You invited Freydis over.” Sylva’s voice was deadpan. “How wonderful.”

“You don’t fool me, Sylva. I know you like Freydis.”

“She’s fun to annoy.”

“Is she really? I suppose it was fun to annoy her by going all the way to the other side of town to get her favourite mead for her birthday?” Ti’sun asked, a teasing lilt to his voice. Sylva ducked her head, but Ti’sun could see the redness on her cheeks. 

Lynlea returned to the kitchen with Freydis and Gracidea in tow, chattering excitedly to them about her latest art project.

“Oh, good morning Gracidea! I didn’t expect you this morning.” Ti’sun grinned welcomingly. “Would you like some pancakes?”

Gracidea smiled softly, inclining her head slightly. “I’m alright thank you. I just heard the commotion going on over here and thought this is where the entertainment is. I will have tea, though.”

Sylva nodded, and pulled out two more mugs. Lynlea began ferrying plates and mugs over to the kitchen table, ushering everyone to sit down. The five of them took their usual seats, tucking into the carefully piled pancakes with zeal.

The pastel yellow kitchen filled with the sounds of conversation, and the clinking of cutlery against plates. A perfect Saturday morning, with their little strange family crowded around the small wooden table. Flowers growing in the window box, mess cluttering the counters, Sylva flicking little bits of pancake at Freydis and surreptitiously giving Lynlea her strawberries and syrup, Gracidea sipping at her mug of tea and watching them with a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. It was warm, and cosy, and a little dysfunctional.

Ti’sun wouldn’t have it any other way.


	2. Chapter One: Eisaldrin High

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Lynlea and Sylva's school, Freydis and Ti'sun's jobs, and Gracidea's mysterious past.

The vibrant, aggressive yellow of the school bus did nothing to improve Sylva’s mood. Her school-bag, covered in badges that she would never admit to having bought from Hot Topic, contained a single notebook and pencil, in addition to her toolkit and carefully prepared lunch. 

She climbed onto the bus, nodding at the driver as Lynlea hopped on behind her. Sylva swung herself into her typical seat at the back of the bus, Lynlea dropping down in the next seat and bouncing slightly on the worn cushion.

“What’re you so excited about?” Sylva asked, not looking up from her phone.

Lynlea’s eyebrows furrowed. “You can’t have forgotten! It’s the big game tonight, and it’s my first time as a flyer in an actual game!”

“Of course I didn’t forget. I just don’t understand why you’re excited already, there’s still a whole day of school first. Besides, you’re a freshman. You still have three and a half years of ‘big games’.” Sylva continued to text, ignoring the way Lynlea was pouting at her.

“It’s important, Sylvie! And anyway, you promised you’d do my hair, I can never get my ponytail as neat as when you do it.” 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll do it after class, ok?”

Lynlea grinned happily and settled back into her seat. Sylva glanced over at her sister, taking in the backpack, gym bag, and sketchbook. Really, it wasn’t that surprising that a lot of people didn’t realise the two of them even knew each other.

The bus pulled up in front of their school, the pair of them climbing down and thanking the driver as they went. Sylva walked with Lynlea all the way to her locker, not really listening to the incessant chatter about what she and Ti’sun had been getting up to in his flower shop the previous day. 

As Lynlea shoved her cheer bag into her locker and turned to say goodbye to Sylva, a pointed sniff made her turn. 

“Oh, gross, there’s a bad smell hanging around here. Is it cigarettes or trash?” 

Lynlea turned, looking up at the new arrival. “Oh, hi Madison!”

The tall, slender girl smiled tightly at Lynlea, then turned her attention back to Sylva. “My mistake, it’s just you. Hi, Sylva.”

Sylva flipped her off, her expression bored, before she looked down at Lynlea. “See you later, kid.” With that, she turned around and sauntered away.

The area behind the bike sheds might as well have been Sylva’s second home, for all the time she spent there. Granted, it wasn’t a particularly nice second home, littered as it was with cigarette butts and empty crisp packets. Sylva felt a small smile tug at her lips as she spotted the place where she had scratched her name with the tip of her pen knife two years previously. A few of her friends were already waiting for her by the time she arrived, and as she sat down on the rickety wooden bench Jo held out one of her cigarettes. Sylva took it with a grunt of thanks and pulled out her lighter, taking a drag and flicking ash down onto the toes of her boots.

“Anyway, I’m definitely going to gym today. We’ve got that hot substitute again.” Max drawled, leaning back against the wall.

“The one with all the tattoos? Dude, she’s definitely a lesbian. And way out of your league.” David’s eyebrow was cocked, and Sylva spluttered and choked on her cigarette.

“You alright there Espinosa? Hanging out with the goodie-two-shoes got your lungs feeling weak?” Max teased, earning a middle finger from Sylva and a kick in the shin from the last guy sitting on the bench, Jack.

“Don’t talk about her sister like that, asshole.” Jack scowled. Max held up both hands in a placating gesture.

"I was just thinking about that tattooed sub teacher making you run until you were vomiting and crying, do you remember Max?" Sylva scowls, before grinning and taking another drag.

Jo turned her head to Sylva, her fingers fiddling with her helix piercing. “You’re coming out tonight, right?”

Sylva shook her head, looking vaguely annoyed. “I’m grounded, and besides, I have a new part for the engine I’m fixing up coming in today.” The lie tripped easily off her tongue.

Jo booed, and David flicked the end of his cigarette at her. “Lame.”

Jack grinned at her. “I can come help with the engine tonight if you want a hand.” 

Sylva raised an eyebrow. “I’m perfectly capable of building it myself. Besides, the old man is home so there’s no way you’d get in.”

Jack smirked. “I’m sure I could find a way, but if that’s what you want.”

The bell rang loudly across the school grounds, and Sylva slipped off the bench, grabbing her bag as she went. “Max, are you coming to shop?” 

The lanky blonde thought about it for a moment, then shrugged and picked up his backpack. “Sure. See you guys later.” The two waved to the rest of their gang as they sauntered off to class. 

~

“Aw, Lea, that’s so good!” Daisy squeaked, peering over Lynlea’s shoulder to look at her sketchbook. The pair were sitting at their typical lunch table, with a few other people from their homeroom. Lynlea grinned, turning the sketchbook so her friend could see it more clearly. It was a profile pencil drawing of Daisy herself, engrossed in the book she had been reading. 

“You looked so happy, I couldn’t help but draw you!” Lynlea giggled. 

Daisy nudged her. “You’re too sweet, Lea.” 

Lynlea closed her sketchbook and carefully slipped it into her bag, pulling out her lunchbox in its place. Ti’sun had packed it for her, a neatly cut sandwich tucked alongside some fruit and a bag of sweets. She tucked in, offering a sweet to Daisy as they chatted about the morning’s classes. Lynlea’s phone buzzed in her pocket, and she pulled it out. An alarm was blaring across the screen, reminding her that she had cheer practice in ten minutes.

“Ah, sorry Daisy! Gotta go to practice!” Lynlea stuffed the rest of her sandwich in her mouth before gathering up her belongings and rushing off to the changing room. 

She changed quickly into her practice gear, neatly tying her hair into two low pigtails and slipping on her shoes as one of the senior girls walked over. It took Lynlea a moment to recognise her, but she smiled nonetheless. Sarah, that was it.

“Hey, freshman. Walk with me to practice.”

Lynlea furrowed her brow, confused. People didn’t usually initiate conversation with her. Mostly, it happened the other way around. Still, any chance to make a new friend was a good one. “Sure!”

The two walked towards the gymnasium, silent for a moment as the elder collected her thoughts.

“Look, you seem like a sweet kid, so I thought I should warn you. Madison was talking about how you hang around with Espinosa, the junior girl who always skulks around the back of the school? I’d steer clear of her. The other seniors and juniors don’t like her much, and she’s bad news. Don’t ruin your chances with everyone else just to hang out with her, alright?” Sarah spoke softly, like she was breaking bad news to a young child.

Lynlea looked at her, utter confusion clearly evident on her face. “But -”

Sarah waved a hand, cutting her off. “You can do whatever you want, I just thought I should warn you. Look out for yourself, ok? God knows no one else in this school is gonna do it for you.” With that, the older girl walked over to rejoin the group of other senior cheerleaders.

As she warmed up, stretching her muscles in preparation for their practice session, Lynlea couldn’t stop thinking about what Sarah had said. Why would she stay away from Sylva? 

She’d need to ask about it later.

~

The bell above Ti’sun’s shop door rang out clearly in the quiet of the early afternoon, making the elderly man look up from the flowers he was arranging. It had been quite a peaceful day so far - a young couple had stopped in with the downpayment on the flowers they had ordered for their wedding, and Ti’sun had spent most of the morning arranging their bouquets and cleaning up the shop. 

“Afternoon, Ti’sun. I thought I’d stop by for some tea.” Gracidea smiled slightly, leaning against the counter. She was dressed in her usual work outfit - all black and flowing, mostly to match the aesthetic of her occult bookshop. 

Ti’sun brushed the dirt off of his hands and grinned, gesturing for Gracidea to come through to the shop’s small backroom. A small table sat in the middle of a little kitchenette, with just an electric kettle and a microwave resting on the countertop. Ti’sun filled the kettle and rooted around in the cupboards for two clean mugs and some tea bags, as Gracidea made herself comfortable at the table.

“Are you coming to watch Lynlea cheer tonight?” Ti’sun asked, pouring out the boiling water then stirring milk and sugar into the mugs. 

“Of course I am. I assume Freydis and Sylva will be joining us?” Gracidea said, accepting the mug with a smile.

“Yes, although they’ll both be at the school already. Freydis is teaching again today.”

Gracidea shook her head sympathetically. “Those poor children.”

Ti’sun laughed. “Her methods are somewhat brutal, but it’s good for them in the long run.”

Gracidea raised an eyebrow. “You’ve clearly never had her attempt one of her personal training sessions on you. It is...not a pleasant experience.”

Ti’sun took a sip of his own tea, chuckling softly. “Ah, but I’m rather more stubborn than you are, my dear. I’m much less willing to deal with Freydis’s...moods.” 

Gracidea’s lips quirked up at one side. “I suppose that’s how you manage to deal with Sylva and Lynlea’s moods then?”

“Sylva is a completely different case and every day uncovers a new way to be angsty. I’m not entirely sure Lynlea has yet realised that she’s a teenager.” 

Gracidea laughed softly. “I’m sure she’ll figure it out soon enough. I might not have any experience with the actual raising of children, but I was a teenager once. It might feel like forever now, but I’m sure when they’re grown you’ll be missing all the angst.”

Ti’sun peered at her curiously. “You know, Gracidea, you’ve never told me anything about what you were like as a child. In fact, I’m not entirely convinced that you even were one.”

Gracidea’s patented mysterious smile ghosted across her lips, her eyes glimmering with something between amusement and sadness. “Maybe I’ll tell you one day. If you ask the right questions.”

~

Part of Sylva had hoped that Max had been wrong and their usual gym teacher would be back from his extended leave (due to injury, apparently, though Sylva was convinced he’d just given up on trying to get any of the kids at their school to actually enjoy exercise), but no - there was Freydis, in full personal trainer mode with her workout leggings, expensive trainers, and comfortable oversized t-shirt. Her tattooed arms and piercings were on full display, and her hair was carefully spiked up away from her face.

When she spotted Sylva, looking wildly uncomfortable in her school gym clothes and with her hair, which usually hung loose around her shoulders and over her face, tied back into a messy bun, a wicked smile crossed Freydis’s face.

_ Well, fuck.  _ Sylva sighed and trudged over with Max and Jack towards the rest of their class, who were slowly gathering around Freydis ready for the start of class. She waited for a few moments, letting the class settle into quiet, then cleared her throat.

“Well, good afternoon. I think most of you have had me as a teacher before, but for those of you who haven’t my name is Freydis. I don’t go in for ‘Miss So-and-so’, so just call me Freydis. Today is conditioning and strength training, so you'd best get to running. Laps around the field for five minutes.” She made a shooing motion with her hand, and the group grumbled slightly before beginning to run laps around the track that circled the central playing field. A minute passed and Sylva had never been in a worse mood. Normally during gym class she would be sitting on her bench listening to music and tinkering with some scrap metal she’d lifted from her shop class, but no. There was no option when Freydis was taking their class - if Sylva didn’t turn up there was no way Freydis wouldn’t immediately tell Ti’sun she was skipping, and there was no way she could do that to the old man.

By the end of the five minutes Sylva was doubled over, breathing hard.

“What was it you said earlier about me nearly throwing up, Espinosa?” Max asked, trying hard to look like he was less out of breath than she was. 

Sylva glared up at him. “Go fuck yourself, Max.”

Freydis gave them a minute to catch their breath, then called them to follow her to the centre of the field where a series of benches and piles of equipment had been laid out. She demonstrated each of the exercises - Sylva rolled her eyes when she noticed Max practically drooling - then split the class into several groups and set them up on the exercise equipment. “Ok, you’ll go for a minute on each exercise, then switch. Got it?”

A series of half-hearted nods, which was more enthusiasm than she could realistically have hoped for.

Freydis blew the whistle she was carrying, and oh-so-slowly the class began their exercises. Freydis moved through the groups, congratulating people who were working well and correcting the posture and movements of those who weren’t doing so well. She approached where Sylva, Max, and Jack were supposed to be planking. 

‘Supposed’ being the operative word. Sylva was lying on her stomach, picking at the long blades of grass with her fingers. Freydis cleared her throat. “Hips up, Sylva.”

Sylva’s head snapped around and she glared at Freydis with a ferocity that would have made lesser beings crumble into dust but just made Freydis chuckle.

“How does the hot supply teacher know your name?” Max asked, clearly indignant as Sylva grudgingly pushed herself up into the plank position.

“I don’t know, maybe she remembers from last time. Teachers have warned substitutes about me before.” Sylva said quickly. 

Max nodded, accepting the lie fairly easily. Jack looked at her contemplatively for a moment, then smiled and focused back on his planking.

By the end of the hour, Sylva had never been more exhausted in her life. Every damn time she tried to slack off even the slightest, Freydis’s fucking sixth sense would make her turn around to stare directly at Sylva. Not wanting to give Freydis an opportunity to plant the idea that they knew each other in anyone else’s head, she would redouble her efforts and try to ignore Freydis’s self satisfied smirk.

There was going to be hell to pay for this, of that Sylva was damn sure.

~

Sylva tapped her fingers against her temple and saluted her goodbyes to her friends as they piled into Jo’s truck. Jo had offered her and Lynlea a lift home - Sylva couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that even her friends felt a reluctant affection for her little sister - but Sylva had waved her off, saying they’d catch the bus. As the group drove off, she turned and meandered back into the school, towards Lynlea’s locker. Sure enough, there she was, her head behind the door and standing on her tiptoes as she moved her belongings around. Sylva nudged Lynlea’s leg with her booted foot when she approached, startling the younger girl and making her turn. Sylva rolled her eyes, able to hear the tinny backbeat from Lynlea’s headphones.

“You shouldn’t listen to this so loud, it’ll fuck up your hearing.” Sylva said, plucking one of Lynlea’s earbuds from her ear. 

Lynlea pouted and pulled out the other, turning off her music and putting her phone away. “You listen to way louder music at full volume.”

“You should do as I say, not what I do.”

“You sound like Ti’sun.” Lynlea accused, and Sylva gently shoved at her shoulder. 

“Shut up. C’mon, let’s go and fix your hair.”

Lynlea grinned up at her and followed behind, her gym bag bouncing with every step.

~

Ti’sun and Gracidea were sitting on the bleachers with the slowly growing crowd, sharing a box of overpriced nachos, when Freydis flopped down on the bench next to them. She’d changed out of her gym clothes into a pair of black skinny jeans and a t-shirt with her large leather jacket half-zipped over it. A large bucket of popcorn was tucked under one arm.

“Good evening, Freydis. How have you been?”

“Good, had a shit tonne of classes this afternoon plus my usual clients at the gym. I’m exhausted.” Freydis shoved an enormous handful of popcorn into her mouth to accentuate her point. 

Gracidea laughed softly. “Did you torture poor Sylva in class today?”

Freydis swallowed heavily and leaned around Ti’sun to grin wickedly at Gracidea. “Only a little. I just used the fact that she doesn’t want to be publicly associated with me to motivate her.”

“Speak of the devil.” Ti’sun smiled and waved as Sylva walked quickly over to them, her hood pulled up over her head. Sylva rolled her eyes as she sat down.

“Oh, I’m the devil now am I?”

“Only according to Mrs Parsons.” Gracidea smiled, making Sylva scoff. Mrs Parsons had lived on the end of their road since the dawn of time it seemed, and had taken to crossing herself whenever she passed Sylva and had once gone as far as to put a bible in their letterbox.

“Whatever. Has anything started yet?” Sylva asked, chewing on a fingernail. 

Ti’sun shook his head and offered her the nachos. “We’re still waiting. I think it’ll start soon though, the bleachers are almost full.”

As Sylva plucked a nacho from the box, band music began playing over the speakers and a loud cheer erupted from the front of the watching crowd as the players began walking out of the changing rooms and onto the field, the Eisaldrin High players grinning up at their home bleachers. The cheerleaders came running out behind them, all clad in white and green like the players. Lynlea was easy enough to spot, her bright blue hair and small stature separating her from the crowd. Freydis spotted her eyes scanning the crowd, looking for the four of them, and waved with big sweeping motions. Lynlea spotted the movement and her face lit up with a wide smile, waving her matching pom poms in their direction. As the players began huddling up with the coaches by their respective benches, the Eisaldrin cheerleaders started amping up the crowd with chants and cheers, jumping and waving at their schoolmates and families. When the referee blew the whistle to begin the game, everyone turned their attention to the players.

Ti’sun had never really been into sports, and didn’t particularly understand the rules of American football. He’d moved to America from England with his parents as a teenager, and had never fully immersed himself in the culture. Still, whenever the players in green and white celebrated, he cheered along with everyone else around them. Gracidea sat impassively, clapping gently whenever their team scored, and Sylva sat next to her, scrolling through her phone. Freydis, on the other hand, was leaning forwards, totally immersed. Every time the players slammed into each other she would grin widely, and when half time came seconds after Eisaldrin High scored again, she leapt to her feet beside the students. The players took their seats as music once again started playing over the speakers and the cheerleaders hurried into position. Sylva finally looked up from her phone, holding it up and zooming the camera in on Lynlea.

Ti’sun wasn’t sure he breathed once during the entire two minute routine. The squad moved in perfect synchronicity to the pounding beat of the music, some top 10 song that he had never heard and almost certainly wouldn’t remember afterwards, because his entire focus was on the moment Lynlea stepped onto the hands of her two partners and was lifted up into the air. She raised one foot into the air, holding onto her ankle and grinning excitedly as she balanced on one leg before putting the other back down and being thrown into the air, twisting several times before her partners caught her in a sitting position and placed her gently back on the ground. All four of them had gasped sharply as she was tossed, and let out a collective sigh once she was safely back on solid earth. The routine continued, the group alternating between cheering and tense worry every time Lynlea was lifted off the ground. Finally, her partners picked her up and Lynlea stretched into a standing split, mirroring the other flyers as the final note of the music rang out. The crowd erupted into wild cheers and the squad waved and tumbled their way off the field, ready for the game to start up once again.

During the second half the Eisaldrin High players seemed even more energised, their uniforms becoming more and more stained with grass and mud as they threw everything into the game. A final touchdown in the closing moments of the game sealed their victory and suddenly the entire crowd was on their feet. The team celebrated wildly, hugging and yelling as the cheer squad ran over to join them. It took a few minutes for things to calm down enough for Lynlea to make her way over to the others.

“How did it look?” She asked excitedly, as Ti’sun wrapped her in a hug. 

“You did wonderfully my dear, though I would have appreciated a warning about exactly how high in the air you would be.” Ti’sun chuckled, releasing her so that Freydis could scoop her up in a hug of her own.

“Well done! But we’re gonna work on your core strength, come over this weekend and we’ll get some training in.” Freydis ruffled her hair, messing up the neatly done ponytail.

Gracidea smiled gently. “Well done Lynlea, it was very enjoyable to watch.” Lynlea grinned at her, then looked momentarily alarmed. 

“I forgot my bag, wait here a second!” She dashed off, returning moments later with her gym bag slung over one shoulder.

Sylva smiled at Lynlea as she returned, nudging her gently with an elbow. “Good job, kid.” 

Lynlea’s face lit up and she bumped her side softly into Sylva’s. “Are you proud of me Sylvie?”

Sylva rolled her eyes. “Don’t push your luck.” Still, she rested her arm around her little sister’s shoulders as they began to walk home.


End file.
